Visual Crisis

Hello there, I am having a huge Visual Crisis. What it means is I have tons of clothes, plus another huge quantity of new clothes and basically nothing to wear, or at least that´s how I feel in the morning. I was talking to a friend at work and telling her how I am at a crisis on finding a style that I really feel comfortable in, an outfit that I want everyone to see, something that would make me feel special. Don´t get me wrong, I feel fine, I feel so blessed, so special, but I want to get back to that feeling of security in what I wear. As soon as I get out of home I will realize my skirt is too short, too showing, my tights too bright, my shoes too high, etc. I know I don´t invest as much time as I did in playing dress-up at home, that is, spending time in front of the closet/mirror matching clothes and shoes until I find the perfect match, but work has been different and priorities change. Anyways, I want to get it back. In the mean time: no skirts.

Over the weekend I had such wonderful compliments or I don´t really know what to call them. Someone told me I was amazing and another person told me she was so happy to have been by my side (that is, one of my best friends). I really hope I can remember everytime how special they are and how much they mean to me so that I always proceed as the best friend anyone can have when around them. I have to admit I am the kind of girl that always needs to have feedback on how I am doing on any matter. I am just like that. I hate surprises. I am just afraid ´cause I know I have such high expectations and it´s easy for me to get disappointed. Amazing how yesterday and today two girls got mad at me, the second one really got me.

I am so organized that sometimes I am afraid my priorities don´t resemble my real interests and likes. I am so afraid debt will hunt me or police will knock on my door someday. My friend told me how hurt she was because I don´t spend time with her anymore, and she couldn´t be more right. I love her so much and I would feel horrible if she would take away something as precious as our friendship. I know I have to reconsider my obsession with exercising after work or going to bed early ´cause I would feel like my body is charging for it in the morning when I don´t want to wake up to exercise again. Its a sick cycle, but trust me, if you are the kind of person who likes to exercise you will understand me when I say exercise is like a free-wonderful-medication. Yes, I am on the sick group of girls who worries she is too fat and the sane part of my brain (that I only listen when around ice cream and "Taquis") tells me I have a wonderful body that shows no diseases.

Well this is my way to apologize to those friends that are great for demanding the time they really deserve out of me. To thank my great boyfriend for being so sweet and understanding in these hard family moments, perhaps he doesn´t really know how much he has helped these last days. I wish family matters didn´t get to me that much but they do. Somedays I understand better than others that being given extra chores is just a possibility of thanking the Lord for giving me the ability to perform them.

Finally, I ask God to heal me ASAP from my visual crisis, or at least to send Tim Gunn my adress so he can reach me and help me thru my make over.

AB